It has been almost two moons now since our clan has walked out of Mashkodens into the “real world.” So much, so much has happened since then! I entered the world of clock time, schedules, money, labor, and boxes (aka cars, houses). I am glad to have reconnected with other people in my life – I feel more fulfilled in terms of having a larger human circle. And I also missed the mornings of dreamsharing, the days of work/play, the evenings of daysharing and handholding before the meal, the joking and laughing. It has been beautiful, it has been hard. A time or two I almost left, but I checked in with my heart and stayed, and got to experience a deepening of relationship wit myself and others.
I reflect on those five moons I spent in the wilderness: What have I learned? How have I changed? I guess the understanding of this is something I’m still working on – perhaps the greatest gift of the immersion.
One thing that stands out is that I have a greater understanding of the patterns within myself which keep me locked in judgment and fixated on an outcome – and that I’ve learned to better recognize them and step back in order to own my emotions, before proceeding with addressing the issue. This has allowed me to be more open to other people’s truths, to work towards something, rather than work against.
I’ve also learned more about who I am – what I’m inclined to do for my circle, what fulfills me. It was no surprise to me that when we broke up responsibilities for the ricing/family moon that my campmates suggested that I become the caretaker of the camp area. I’ve learned that I have a way to sense and keep track and raise awareness of the upcoming needs of my circle, as well as other people’s state of being. And the perspective of my campmates also gifted me with awarenesses about my personality I did not have (things like “child-like wonder!”).
Since being away, and doing a moon-long stint at a job, I’ve been able to see how I am able to relate with people I live and work with better than before. Challenges come up, but now my toolkit has sharper and more fine-tuned tools to address them. I am more able to use my gifts – because now I know that they have value.
And what of the future? I am very grateful for my time in the woods, and now I am ready to apply what I’ve learned, and to learn more of who I am and what I have to give, in a larger circle of people. I hope to make positive changes in the world. Perhaps one day I will again be found at Mashkodens. I also know that this green season, and the three men who have become my brothers, will always be with me.
Alex