Scouting for Sucker Fish

The wind was slight. It came from the south. In the south-east, I saw the clouds building. Then I heard the rumble. “OK, I guess I’ll take the tarp,” I said in answer to Denise’s question, and my own. Then Denise, Coyote and I got in the canoes and paddled upstream. We took our time going up the creek, commenting on what we were seeing. Then it was into the head-winds of the lake. Then up the other creek.

It was a scouting expedition, and my two companions went along to learn the way. Our eyes peered into the reflection of the slow-moving dark waters. Aside from a couple of splashes, we saw nothing – no sucker fish. Perhaps sucker-netting camp is a long way off yet. We went as far as we could by canoe, disembarked, and continued on foot. The open Maple-Hemlock-Cedar forest on the shores filled us with awe. The increasing rumbling in the distance filled me with unease. If I was on my own, I’d be moving faster…

Denise called out in a loud whisper: “Fish!” I went to her, and sure enough, a small group of them were hanging out at a narrow spot in the stream, swimming against the current. We watched them for a while, and turned back.

As we got in our canoes, it began to sprinkle. And then rain. And then the sky got really dark. Lightning and thunder sent bolts of panic into our paddling arms. Previously, on the way up, I watched Coyote – a huge man who towers over his large canoe – inch his way over a broken beaver dam. This time I was right there, pulling on his canoe to speed us up.

Just before we reached the lake, Denise called out, pointing to a piece of dry land protruding like a helping hand through the bay clear to the creek. “Should we stop?” The crack of thunder and lightning-flash answered for me. We pulled in, helping one another get out. I rolled out the tarp.

We sat under it, hunkered down, squished together. The rain was pounding with a fury, the lightning and thunder unwilling to let up. “Would anyone like to split my apple with me?” Denise cut her apple in three and handed slices to grateful Coyote and me. Nothing like an apple in a thunderstorm!

When it finally began to die down, we continued on, keeping near the shore to stay out of hungry Lightning’s way, and to be ready to bail to dry land if need be. Between each rumble-flash I counted. Once, when the count was low, we did go ashore again for a bit. Since no new close ones came, we got out on the water once more.

We paddled hard, through now-heavy rain and the evening-that-became-night, hoping that the flashes wouldn’t get closer. It felt safer to be once more on our creek, away from the big water. We joked to cheer each other on. Before we knew it, we were back at camp, sharing a meal that our camp-mates who had stayed behind began to prepare. Coyote went to bed right away, and Denise and I ate and talked for a while by the fire, passing back and forth the pieces that we roasted, cut and warmed up over the fire.

Sitting there, I though about what it means to live in a circle. When we sat under that tarp, damp, chilly and uncertain for the thunder’s intentions, we were just humans, each committed to the physical and emotional well-being of each other, because we were in it together. I though about how we were able to, a few days ago, peacefully agree on the things we don’t want in camp – matches, plastic bags, etc. I was interested in letting go of a few more things, and expressed that. But I do accept the direction others want to take for now, and that is what matters – harmony.

And I thought about my dream from the night before our trip – its message only becoming apparent under that tarp. It was showing me how I have a way of becoming competitive and losing empathy with others when I feel threatened – and in my mind belittle them. I see that when I am able to let go of my insecurities, judgments, comparisons, the world opens up. People, plants and animals become my friends. I become interested in them. I become a Tracker. Ah…this journey of Rewilding!

The sucker fish are running. Tomorrow morning we will pack our canoes with sleeping gear, clothes, food and head out. We will set up camp, and begin to reap the gift of their flesh.

Alex